I will admit, these last few weeks, I have been "angry mama." Who would have seen this coming? Once I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to be a stay-at-home-mom. I wanted to sing silly songs at story time, have play dates, and cuddle warm little bodies while we watched Sesame Street. And all of that has been wonderful, truly I know how blessed I am to get to stay at home with these little miracles. But, there is also the tedium of day in and day out with two creatures who are more strange and noisy aliens than fully-developed humans. Sometimes it's all a bit too much.
When my daughter was almost one, I started her once a week in the Mother's Day Out program at our church. It was with a good amount of guilt that I decided to pay someone else part of my limited budget to do what I was "staying at home" to do. I remember the first few weeks when I would drop her off, hover psychotically in the parking lot or the director's office, then drive around in confusion, then go home and call the director (a very, very patient woman), then come and pick her up early. Luckily for everyone, I got over this! My daughter loved going and her caregivers loved her. Fast forward a few years and both my kids are always thrilled to go to "church school." For some reason I did not sign them up for the summer session. I guess I had visions of idyllic stay-cation day trips, swimming, and lots of play with friends. Instead, it has been hot, hot, hot and I am losing my mind. We have had some very fun times but many of my plans just didn't seem as fun or were downright impossible because of the weather.
Then there is the fact that my son is now in a toddler bed (not my call) and the days of putting him in a crib and being guaranteed that he would just fall asleep are gone. So now I spend my afternoons chasing two kids back into their beds and feeling like I am swimming upstream. All of these things have added extra madness into an already chaotic "job" and I am starting to feel like a yelling, threatening, pleading, teeth gnashing, caricature of motherhood. I mean really, we all have bad days but this is turning into a bad month. So, what I am saying is: I love my children, I love my "job" and I thank God every day that it is an option for our family. However, next Tuesday my children and I will be outside our church the minute they allow, falling on our knees in gratitude at getting away from one another for a few blissful hours. Absence: it DOES make the heart grow fonder!