Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Didn't Know...

I am a planner.  I pretty much research the heck out of anything:  new restaurant, vacations, houses, and certainly having kids.  By the time my first child arrived I had read about 30 books and countless blogs, taken classes, quizzed friends and family, and purchased size 3T Winter clothes.  That's just how I roll!  So, imagine my surprise that I am continually, well, surprised by this whole motherhood thing.  Here are some things that I didn't know:

Breastfeeding hurts.  A lot.  A lot, lot.  And yet, most of us who try it end up loving it.  I'm not sure what that says about us.

When you finally get a night out with the hubby and friends, chances are you will find yourself discussing your baby's poo like it is the most interesting (and appropriate) dinner conversation ever.  This will continue for years.  Moms are poo-obsessed.

You will refer to yourself in the third person.  You will also call your husband Daddy (and not in a fun way).

At some point you will be, um, indisposed, and both of your children will simultaneously have some sort of crisis on opposite ends of the house.  Breathe deeply, and think "This will make a really funny story to tell my friends."

Good neighbors are golden.  If you have bad neighbors, then move.  It is that important.  Family is great, but they are not next door.  If they are, then you are either the luckiest or unluckiest mommy in the world.

There will be times when you will be shocked by the anger and frustration you feel towards your children.  There will be times when you will be equally as shocked by the fierceness of your love for your children.

Yelling pretty much never works.  And yet, 99% of us do it.

You should always have snacks with you, but don't bring them out until you really need them.  Nothing quells a tantrum quite like a full mouth. 

You will simultaneously doubt every decision you make and also think that the world would be a better place if everyone just listened to you. 

You will jerk awake in the middle of the night with visions of terrible tragedies befalling your children.

You will fight and plead a pray for them to just go to sleep only to sneak in when they do so that you can watch them sleeping and pet their precious heads. 

Every day will be completely exhausting in some way.  Every single day. 

You will become a cryer.  News stories of both good and bad things happening to children will especially get you going but it can really be anything.  A well-scripted AT&T commercial, a friend's photo of a motorcycle escort for a fallen soldier, a homeless person on the side of the road.  All of these things have brought out the waterworks for me in the past few days alone. 

Basically what I am saying is that motherhood is full of ambivalence.  And that it makes you completely insane!  But, then again, I'm probably preaching to the choir here.

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